Scattered in thoughts....

One thing about me that has always rang true to my heart is being patriotic. I think it's a word many of my friends would describe me as because I'm such a huge supporter of our military and their families. I become very defensive if people try to counteract what I believe.Coming from a military family myself, I have an overwhelming sense of pride for the men and women who serve our great country.

This morning on my way in to work I was listening to "American Soldier" by Toby Keith and it took me back to about 5...maybe 6 years ago when I drug my dad to a Toby Keith concert. We rarely do anything alone together, which has always been a regret of mine,....but anyways, I think my dad had a decent time that night. When "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" came over the speaker system I literally lost it. It was an unexpected emotional event as that was hands down my favorite song ever. Up to that moment, I had listened to that song over and over and over again on repeat, so the unexpected breakdown caught me off guard. To this day...I'm not sure what made me lose my control. The American flags...unison of everyone swaying and singing together... the lights, Toby Keith himself... I'm not sure.

This summer my dad is leaving to do his tour in the middle east. I have so many mixed emotions. Once again having pride because he's my dad, he's doing something great, and he is such an amazing man. As scary as it might be for our family...and for my dad in some aspects, this is something my dad has wanted to do since September 11th. Pessimistically, I have feelings of sadness as he is one of the first people I call every day when I get off work. After my husband, I call my dad when my tire is flat, when my check engine light is on. Thinking back to my teen years when our relationship struggled the most I wonder if I have told him I love him enough? Have I made up for everything bad/negative in our past? Or have I shown my appreciation to him enough? Have I shared enough positive experiences with him? Are there enough memories?

I have no doubt in my mind that my dad will make it home safely. I firmly believe it. I have total faith in God and I know my dad does, too. My whole family does. We believe in the power of prayer. I believe.

I know my blog is a little scattered in thoughts...but it's that kind of morning...so I am not going to edit/rewrite my thoughts to make more sense. I'm not going to change the grammar to be grammatically correct. This kind of morning is random, unorganized, and chaotic in thoughts... so will my blog.