Scattered in thoughts....

One thing about me that has always rang true to my heart is being patriotic. I think it's a word many of my friends would describe me as because I'm such a huge supporter of our military and their families. I become very defensive if people try to counteract what I believe.Coming from a military family myself, I have an overwhelming sense of pride for the men and women who serve our great country.

This morning on my way in to work I was listening to "American Soldier" by Toby Keith and it took me back to about 5...maybe 6 years ago when I drug my dad to a Toby Keith concert. We rarely do anything alone together, which has always been a regret of mine,....but anyways, I think my dad had a decent time that night. When "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" came over the speaker system I literally lost it. It was an unexpected emotional event as that was hands down my favorite song ever. Up to that moment, I had listened to that song over and over and over again on repeat, so the unexpected breakdown caught me off guard. To this day...I'm not sure what made me lose my control. The American flags...unison of everyone swaying and singing together... the lights, Toby Keith himself... I'm not sure.

This summer my dad is leaving to do his tour in the middle east. I have so many mixed emotions. Once again having pride because he's my dad, he's doing something great, and he is such an amazing man. As scary as it might be for our family...and for my dad in some aspects, this is something my dad has wanted to do since September 11th. Pessimistically, I have feelings of sadness as he is one of the first people I call every day when I get off work. After my husband, I call my dad when my tire is flat, when my check engine light is on. Thinking back to my teen years when our relationship struggled the most I wonder if I have told him I love him enough? Have I made up for everything bad/negative in our past? Or have I shown my appreciation to him enough? Have I shared enough positive experiences with him? Are there enough memories?

I have no doubt in my mind that my dad will make it home safely. I firmly believe it. I have total faith in God and I know my dad does, too. My whole family does. We believe in the power of prayer. I believe.

I know my blog is a little scattered in thoughts...but it's that kind of morning...so I am not going to edit/rewrite my thoughts to make more sense. I'm not going to change the grammar to be grammatically correct. This kind of morning is random, unorganized, and chaotic in thoughts... so will my blog.

Eat*Pray*Love

Have you seen the movie "Eat Pray Love"? If you haven't it's definitely a must see! I hear the book is even better which is why it's on my bucket list of things to do. Anyways... the movie. Back to raving about how wonderful it truly is. For those of you who are in my shoes, struggling with life, struggling with your identity, and/or self worth, I highly recommend you stop what you are doing right this very second and rent/buy it immediately. Yes, it is THAT fantastic. I would not lie. Julia Roberts does a fantastic job playing portraying me in the movie...now, the marriage part has nothing to do with me, athough the metaphor of losing onesself I can relate to but no, I'm not leaving Jake nor am I about to go find a James Franco-wanna-be to consume my time. Although I do find myself fighting the urge to board a plane and live life for a year just traveling. 

Through the last year of my life I have come to realize I never really used to have a passion for anything. I've never had a hobby. I am openly admitting I do not have have a favorite author? I can not recall the last time I read a book. Pathetic, I'm aware. I've always consumed my time with working multiple jobs, and/or going to school full time. When I did have time off, I involved myself with others...baby showers, birthdays, weddings, ugly sweater parties in December. My list could go on and on. Therefore, I am officially calling this time in my life as an early-midlife crisis.

So, if you see me use any sorts of quotes or any references, you can assume they will be from Eat Pray Love. When I read the book finally, I will probably be praising it, referencing it, and living it much like I am already doing the above mentioned with the movie.

I leave you with my quote for the day. Elizabeth Gilbert herself said... "I am a better person when I have less on my plate." And, I shall live by that for the moment. As this is the third wekeend of the New Year, and I have NO plans for the weekend. Dinner with my lovely husband this evening...and then ZERO commitment for the rest of my weekend. Somewhere in there...finding the book "Eat Pray Love" and reading it...then maybe rewatching the movie as I prep for a new work week.

A New Year...and New Start?

I'm not typically the kind of woman to do a New Year's resolution. Every time I've made the effort to start a diet, or work out...I fail. I promise myself to work on my finances better...then I fail. So this year... I've not publicly made any sort of 'resolution' but within myself I have made the choice to be me. I'm not sure why starting on January 1st makes this a big deal, maybe all the hype of 'starting fresh' or a 'clean slate' makes the new year worth giving life a 2nd....or 3rd chance at starting over.


There are characteristics about myself that I am going to working on...many of which all stem from one common concept of putting myself first. Saying No. Finding myself. Establishing an identify... It's my goal for the year and in order to do that I must really push myself everyday to be the 'new' person I want to truly be.I have no desire to re-evaluate my life in December of 2011...but I do want to track through this year how I am coping, the things  I am learning, and how my life is maturing/improving with each passing day.


First things first... praying. I will never get anywhere in life if I don't get back to the root of it all and pray. Openly, I'm admitting my relationship with God has suffered...life, friends, school, work, drama... it's all come between my once solid foundation with God. So... praying. Reconnecting and rebuilding that's my plan for this year. Incorporating loving and positive relationships in my life to improve myself. Reading devotionals, witnessing to others, reading the Bible, and/or putting myself in a church atmosphere are important.


Secondly, without going in to my health and a huge long drawn out story... Getting my life in order means getting healthy and having a family... going to the doctor?? check. Taking my pills...check check. I need to make this a priority and get my system in order. I want more than anything to have a baby. I need to focus on getting my body figured out in order to achieve my goal.


Thirdly and lastly, I figure I will be working for the rest of my life, especially in our economic times. Luckily, in my work environment I'm blessed to have the benefit of flexibility and mounds of time off. I should take advantage of this opportunity. What am I saving up my time off for?? I'm not looking for a big vacation, but exploring the city I live in, or even better just closing my eyes and pointing to a map... That's what I want to do. Just go.... Try new things. Eat new foods. Learn to sew. Learn a new language! Learn to dance. Cook great foods... try new wines... ride a Ferris wheel...buy fantastic new shoes I'll wear once in my life..Go to a concert...go hiking... enjoy what God created.


This year has me optimistic and I want to stay that way. I realize there will be days of struggle...but I figure having a constant reminder of my blog will keep me focused and dedicated to myself. With that being said...wish me good luck :)